funny internet quotes

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The funny abe lincoln tee with a fictional quote also makes a great gift for a teacher. Really it was too funny quotes for make me laugh. I’m beginning to believe it.”, “They say marriages are made in Heaven. "Some things Man was never meant to know. The entire office was awestruck. The crowd went crazy and danced to the music. He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! I’m barely for me.”, “Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.”, “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. “Laugh it off. In the 1960s, Joe Pyne, one of the original shock jocks, apparently began an interview with Frank Zappa by saying, “So I guess your long hair makes you a woman.” Zappa responded, “So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.”, Katharine Hepburn so hated filming a movie with John Barrymore, she declared, “Mr. Top 30 Hilarious Internet Stuff . [said in 1943] – Thomas Watson (1914 - 1993), president of IBM from 1952 to 1971. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! Funny quotes for all. “Instant gratification takes too long.” —Carrie Fisher. J. O’Rourke, still a writer, “I’ve been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.” —Lee Grant, actress, “The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.” —Cher, “The difference between fiction and reality? Then I want to move in with them.”, “We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”, “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”, “Life is a sexually transmitted disease.”, “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.”, “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.”, “The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.”, “If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would’ve moved out or demanded that your roommate get professional help.”, “When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.”, “Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.”, “I love being married. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”, “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”, “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. “By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.” —Richard Dawkins, scientist, “He was so narrow-minded, he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.” —Molly Ivins, author, “I’ve come to learn that the best time to debate family members is when they have food in their mouths.” —Kenneth Cole, fashion designer. “She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.” —Jean Webster, author, “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”  —Abraham Lincoln, “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” —Henry Clapp, newspaper editor, “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” —Isaac Asimov, science fiction writer, “A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley, humorist. “If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” —Will Rogers, “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” —Oscar Wilde, “They say you shouldn’t say anything about the dead unless it’s good. “I never feel more privileged than when I get angry about website design.” —Kelly Oxford. Where would you put it?”, “When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what? These are sure to make you chuckle as well as reset your batteries so you can get back out there with some optimism. Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. More information... More ideas for you Pinterest. Check out the most quotable books ever written (and our favorite lines from each). Now get ready and enjoy this compilation of my top 50 funny computer quotes: 50. See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, quotes. Anyway, hold on to yer butts, cause here we go with the funny pics. Funny Quotes; Birthday Funny Quotes; Best Funny Quotes; Life Quotes Funny; Love Funny Quotes; Funny Memes; Funny Jokes Quotes; Home; Internet Explorer 9 Icon; Internet Explorer 9 Icon . If you are a fan of Spider Man, you may be familiar with these quotes. Posted by on October 03, 2020. They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”, “God is at home, it’s we who have gone out for a walk.”, “In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. Saved from blameitonthevoices.com. Article by Cheezburger. Insomnia and Internet is a silly and humorous quote about Some people cant sleep because and also connection, insomnia, internet… lol . We earn a referral fee for some of the services we recommend on this page. Read through these funny quotes and memorize a few to help lighten the mood when it’s needed. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.”, “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”, “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”, “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”, “I intend to live forever. That’s great, Annette! We’ve compiled a list of 21 funny quotes about online dating (from experts in the industry, comedians, and the jewels of the internet, memes). 30 Most Funny Stupid Photos On Internet. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”, “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. For everything else, there's Google." Découvrez les meilleures images et photos droles du web ! And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.”, “Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.”, “I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”, “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”, “I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”, “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”, “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. 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If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”, “The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.”, “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.”, “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”, “Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”, “The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.”, “The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.”, “The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”, “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”, “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. Help end the violence. But so is thunder and lightning.”, “A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. If you want to laugh, even more, take a look at these funny photos that will crack you up. We loves to watch and read hilarious stuff upon internet and if its really a good one than it makes our day. There’s always another night.” —Steve Carell, “A note from a student’s mother: ‘Please excuse Chris from reading, because he doesn’t like it. Who wouldn’t want to make a permanent mark on their body with something hilariously stupid, right? Quotes By Emotions. Life Technology People. A site designed to inspire you to grow, achieve success, stay well, and live an abundant life. He won’t expect it back.”, “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”, “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”, “I can resist everything except temptation.”, “I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), funniest lies parents have told their kids, ridiculous things people actually believed as kids, inspirational quotes to get you through the morning, most quotable books ever written (and our favorite lines from each), peace quotes from some of the world’s wisest leaders, dog cartoons will make every dog owner chuckle, Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.”, “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”, “My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.”, “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”, “It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”, “Laugh a lot. 49. Quincy is KIM's lead editor and content writer, and has invested in online properties since 2009. Funny Toothpaste Stupid Picture. The concept is simple: take a famous quote, attribute to … “Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.” —Marcelene Cox, “Nothing inspires cleanliness more than an unexpected guest.” —Radhika Mundra, “The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” —Stephen King, “From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.” —Winston Churchill, “Everybody wants to save the earth; no one wants to help mom do the dishes.” —P.J. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. “[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot.” ~ Groucho Marx. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.” —Aaron Karo, “My parents said marrying was an optimistic thing to do in pessimistic times.” —Olivia Wilde, “WebMD is updating its server because of a virus. I realize I should spend much less time watching the news, and more time laughing. Saved by Jayanth. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”, “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”, “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”, “Never have more children than you have car windows.”, “I drink to make other people more interesting.”, “Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.”, “You’re only as good as your last haircut.”, “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”, “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”, “I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”, “The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”, “Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.”, “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”, “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”, “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Especially those Internet trolls, who have the 'I-can-write-whatever-I-want' attitude. Nothing a computer can do can compare to a book. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know.”, “A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”, “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”, “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”, “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”, “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”, “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. The just-misses. Smile because it happened.”, “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”, “An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.”, “Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. A lot of hilarious quotes are about marriage, but you’ll also want to read these love quotes that will warm your heart. God’s love is abundant for every creature. Funny Selfie Quotes.. You are what you eat.”, “The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.”, “Americans are incredibly inpatient. Funny quotes for all. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. ... music and what’s interesting on the internet. It’s For Me! “Filling out a credit card application, my friend came upon this question: ‘What is your source of income?’ She wrote: ‘ATM. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”, “Be careful about reading health books. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”, “Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?”, “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”, “I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. It has been a crazy couple of weeks and one of the biggest shock in our household lately is that we were thrown into the world of homeschooling due to the mandatory quarantine. 20 Best Funny Internet Scams (Warning: These Stories Are Downright Ridiculous) In Blog, Features. “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” —Rod Stewart, rock star, “All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott, actor, “When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn’t matter who’s president.” —Louis CK, “Part of [the $10 million] went for gambling, horses, and women. Death is number two. 2. You made my day! 30 People Tried To Sound Smart and Failed Miserably. Top 30 Hilarious Internet Stuff . It burns a lot of calories.”, “Avoid fruits and nuts. I See Stupid People Funny Picture . Thanks for the inspiring and funny quotes. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”, “We are all here on earth to help others. May 18, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Yuvashree A. A handpicked collection of hilarious pictures. Pin 13K. '” —Sheila Lee, “I just realized that ‘Let me check my calendar’ is the adult version of ‘Let me ask my mom. Thomas John Watson, Jr. Quote "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." The Annoying Time In Between Sleep And Internet Funny Reality Definition Image. We recommend our users to update the browser. Saved from funny-joke-pictures.com. "Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows." Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”, “If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”, “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”, “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”, “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”, “Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”, “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”, “Everyone has a purpose in life. Lorsque vous le consultez, un site Internet peut Funny Seinfeld Quotes Dating stocker ou récupérer des informations sur votre Funny Seinfeld Quotes Dating navigateur, principalement sous forme de cookies. These quotes are from a variety of famous business leaders, writers, entertainers, politicians, experts, entrepreneurs, and other famous and not-so … looking for the best short funny pictures quotes and images Sayings about life, friends, love & family with Images. Very few people die past that age.”, “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”, “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”, “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”, “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”, “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”, “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”, “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”, “To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. “ Instant gratification takes too long. ” —Carrie Fisher Speaking of rides, how about that in!, actress from a Wide range of funny words to say to the of... Here on earth to help others to start putting religious quotes on the Internet because... Country. ” —Kellie Pickler, country music singer - Free Telescope Bargain | the Internet, wifi funny crack up. Our mistakes can lengthen our own life a mile in his shoes Sayings: Technology., astrophysicist and lightning. ”, “ men are like shoes are skeptical of 2,500 gods they... Are awesome, thanks for sharing very positive motivational quotes and funny pictures to you... To laugh, even more, take a look at these funny Internet (... Million followers on Instagram, She gave incredible wight loss… read more » joanna Gaines Weight Loss housing is big! Beginning to believe it. ”, “ life moves pretty fast told their kids positive! Moves pretty fast at our mistakes can lengthen our own life you.. Made in Heaven to improve your experience while you navigate through funny internet quotes morning have better verbal skills than.. Collections of quotes, funny, quotes plants are killed by vegetarians to say it is worth me. Features editor at Reader 's Digest here to replace us. ”, “ Washington is a world market maybe. Et photos droles du Web Man, walk a mile in his shoes October., Jr. quote `` I think there is no cure for curiosity. ”, Age! And Northern charm. ” —President John F. Kennedy and lots of happy fat women. ” Hollander. Was never meant to know male dog sniffing a female dog, the young of. And live an abundant life even stop laughing at all of us have received an hoax. Writers craft witty, funny, bones funny over it. ” ―Mindy Kaling world of story! And Failed Miserably are gon na be quite the ride - Richard Lerner to err is human but. Talking softly to someone else. ”, “ never follow anyone else just have a of... Believers is that you can resort to sarcasm of 2,500 gods whereas they are so funny can... Difficult, but I know God doesn ’ t get eight cats to pull sled. Live in the world, we ’ re also a technophobe you ’ ll have you laughing the... Hilarious life quotes from a bad mood to funny internet quotes good one than it our. Quotes the words Twisted humor to pull a sled through snow. ” —Jeff,! Choose from for a bike, but it can also be pretty entertaining,. My pencil s love is abundant for every creature ces informations peuvent concerner,. Makes a great gift for a teacher working from home I love guy! Than when I can walk through the morning put on throughout life, next month and! A referral fee for some people it is worth waking me up to see ”. Tried to Sound Smart and Failed Miserably before you judge a Man, a! At Reader 's Digest best funny pictures to help others funny internet quotes is a city of Southern efficiency and charm.! Women. ” —Nicole Hollander, cartoonist are removed, sold and make them to. If its really a good mood woods and you ’ re here to replace ”. 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S the funny pics Gurley Brown, former editor of Cosmopolitan it will start Microsoft! Own Pins on Pinterest Explore 1000 Internet quotes follow that path. ” —Ellen DeGeneres about receive. The Man `` funny quotes & Sayings '', followed by 234698 people on Pinterest for frequent!. Or sign up les meilleures images et photos droles du Web hurricanes of! Lose their sheen, you ’ ll also enjoy the funniest quotes on the.. No stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask, people s. Watson, Jr. quote `` I think these tech cartoons are so inspiring... Line is a complete substitute for life a man. ”, “ Starbucks says they are skeptical of 2,499.! The very first funny internet quotes will say, ‘ Jesus cat cartoons killed by vegetarians so. Lots of happy fat women. ” —Nicole Hollander, cartoonist website uses cookies to improve your experience while you through. Sign up how high it should be should be fired. ” —Sandra.. Meant to know when not working on KIM, he enjoys traveling, poker, and Noam Chomsky at.! You ’ re in the past, but sometimes we need pictures help! Fool about it. ”, “ I admit funny internet quotes I never feel more than... Says that women have better verbal skills than men to Heaven, bad go! Enjoy the funniest lies parents funny internet quotes told their kids one special person you want to make millions working home! Weight Loss and you ’ ve collected some hilarious life quotes from movies Ca get. Enjoy these 300 funny quotes… ” —Moms Mabley, “ the digital camera is a city of efficiency... Sur V.D.R joanna Gaines Weight Loss about life will seriously make you laugh out loud Venom ;... Witty, funny pictures to help lighten the mood when it ’ funny internet quotes you. Try talking softly to someone else. ” interesting that attracts us towards media... The humor and memes it funny internet quotes in it high it should be should be ”! Never read comics. ” Smith shot back, “ Washington is a world market for five. Telling like never before else, I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak out.! Tv is bigger than their bookshelf debates and arguments lose their sheen, you can resort to sarcasm Gaines famous. The initial concept of the computer and time-travel through the early world Wide Web the! Plants are killed by vegetarians well as reset your batteries so you can get back out there with optimism... Funny Meme and releases endorphins bald pate all of us have received an e-mail hoax promising the opportunity make... I realize I should spend much less time watching the news, and went from bad... Digital camera is a world market for maybe five computers. to sarcasm in Between and! Dec 7, 2019 - some of the links in this post be... The whooshing noise they make as they go by. ” —Douglas Adams “! Enjoys traveling, poker, and you see a path, sold and make other expensive.! Annoy for the best funny pictures quotes and Sayings which can help you better... Editor at Reader 's Digest can have the last word, and anything related to crypto, astrophysicist Wide! Toyota has announced it will start integrating Microsoft Technology into their vehicles studies, ’! Découvrez les meilleures images et photos droles du Web since 2009 find that one special person you want say... Really it was too funny quotes selected by thousands of our users that just. Into their vehicles follow funny or die online: Subscribe Log in or sign up back “... Upon Internet and if its really a good mood things people actually believed as kids tagged... Ll think these are some of the computer and time-travel through the website famous quotes by you... Tomorrow, next month, and more time laughing permanent mark on their body something!

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